Shaq vs. the Greatest of All Time

As I sit here now, writing this article at our dining room table, I am looking upwards at our homemade chandelier, made solely out of used can tabs. It is a work of art, among other things.  The lights are off, and Radiohead is speaking to me at exactly the right volume. Things are great, and in my convoluted, odd, and often types seemingly insane vocabulary…. I’m Lampin. Things are great am I’m living luxuriously. Just living the life. Homework’s done, no cares.

 

So tonight marks a huge night in the development of the newly dubbed, Loyola UNIVERSITY. I like college better; nevertheless, The big Aristotle himself, Shaquille O’Neil, is coming to Loyola. Seems crazy right

 

Wow just thought of a sick new blog idea about facebook…wow great advertising…damn facebook

Sorry for the Tangent……

Homework’s done, and there are no cares. And arguably one of the greatest basketball players, is facing off against THE greatest swimmer of all time, at our small college, this is crazy.

The first word that came to mind when I saw this show was artificial. There are 6 billion people in the world and Michael Phelps is the fastest. There is no way a seven foot, three hundred pound half basketball player, half Shaolin based Clown could beat him in a swimming race.  There was no chance that this “Shaq Vs.” would prove to be a contest.

This episode of “Shaq Vs.” almost seemed like an SNL skit or one of the brilliant, however “fake” news stories from The Onion.  The Announcers were so insincere and were just staring at the TV cameras. It was one of the lowest budgets, poorly cut shows I’ve seen. This was nothing but a Public Relations stunt. Everyone knows Phelps is a normal 24-year-old guy, who just happens to just be crazily good and genetically superior at swimming.  The Media hates that. Michael Phelps is a “Good Boy” Since Michael Phelps IS swimming, just like Tiger Woods is Golf, and Rodger Federer and Rafael Nadal are tennis! Don’t disagree. So without Michael Phelps, there is no one watching the 2008 Beijing men’s 100m final in swimming. Michael Phelps has been arrested for DUI and also cited with Photos of him smoking marijuana from a bong, at a South Carolina University Party. He is trying to have his reputation rebuilt. 

Phelps’s Swimming Brain Trust, whomever they are, put Michael Phelps on this show to help better his reputation. This was clearly seen throughout this 1 hour stretched out “Epic Battle, of momentous proportions,” as said by the overly enthusiastic commentators.

They made Shaq seem like this superhero character. Calling him ShaqMoo. I know his nickname is also  “Superman” but he was a great player 8 years ago, and now he is at-best, pretty good center, just for his size. This show, to me, seems like an out of date superstar vs. a kid trying to better his reputation.

I bet Michael Phelps is a great guy; I am not saying he’s not, but I thought the clips of him at the beginning of his scenes seemed scripted. Like doing service, at a children’s pool, with like perfectly, racially based demographic groups. I’m not saying that doesn’t exist, but it seemed like so “to-the-script way” of advertising and trying to market Michaels Phelps character and make him seen as “a great role model for kids”

I know this article may seem a tad cynical. But I feel it is like how things are..

So basically all of the events are totally rigged in such a way that gives Shaq the advantage. From the very beginning they were trying to give Shaq the upper hand. Ya ABC executives…I’m talking to you, did Michael Phelps, really have a “leg injury”??

So after 3 “stimulating” races, the final race came down to a final stretch finish. Really?? Never would have guessed. But in the end Phelps win. So anticlimactic, but ya I guess the 14 time Gold Medalist should win, for ego sake at least.

 

The bet was that if Phelps won, Shaq would have to dress up in a Pink bathing outfit, it was corny and just added to Shaq’s iconic figure. It was a safe bet that put Shaq is a higher light, and made Phelps seem like a humble guy.

It would was cool to see Shaq on TV at Loyola, but I don’t know if ABC will be picking up “Shaq Vs.” for a second season…

 

 

 

 

 

And my conspiracy story for this episode, that basically no one will get, is that who ever owns the New York Knicks created this episode, for in 2010 Lebron James will sign to the New York Knicks. And who is Lebron’s teammate this season?? Yes as a matter of fact it is Shaq.  And the last line in the show was “I hope Shaq can help bring a ring for the King”. 

Big Spoon Theory

Who doesn't love to snuggle up on a nice cold day, and bundle up in a warm, cozy blanket? Add a nice cup of hot coco, possibly with marshmellows or whipped cream (in the stewie voice from family guy). But even with the best situation there is still something missing. I know who i am as a person, but i love a good spoon once in a while. If you cant admit that than there is something wrong. But nevertheless, there still remains one question. Big Spoon or little? 

Each has its pros and cons. With the Big spoon being the support and masculine protective figure of the spooning relationship. However the little spoon is cozy and defiantly more enjoyable to most. I feel fairly strongly about this, when im with my girlfriend i usually take the roll of the big spoon, because girls like that stuff, so you gotta give something to get something. But when im with my roommate we always battle for little spoon. (yes, i lay in bed with my roommate, im cool like that) But we have gotten in like physical altercations just to take control of the little spoon. So if i had to pick an ideal spooning situation, it would have to be in a nice bug bed with tons of pillows and crumpling up in the little spoon.

PEACE

LOVE

STREET PASSION

  

Gatorade

What is the Best Gatorade Flavor??

The question is always asked, but you never seem to get a straight answer. Some say Lemon-Lime, some say Cool Rasberry, some even say Orange, and few argue Fruit Punch. Ill tell you what the best flavor really is.

As of 2009 Gatorade offers 23 different flavors. 

They are: LEMON-LIME

FRUIT PUNCH

ORANGE

COOL BLUE

WATERMELON ICE

BERRY

ICE PUNCH

GRAPE BERRY

LIME

TANGERINE

WILD BERRY

GRAPE

MELON

STRAWBERRY

LEMONADE

RASPBERRY

LEMON-LIME + STRAWBERRY

FRUIT PUNCH + BERRY

ORANGE + TROPICAL FRUIT

GLACIER FREEZE

RIPTIDE RUSH

MANGO ELECTRICO

TROPICAL INTENSO 

The real question is, why do they have so many flavors? I feel the answer is that people like so many different things and are brought up on different diets. But now, the best flavor of gatorade is........... The answer is a little harder to answer than that. We have to look at what other people like. If you walked around...say...Loyola Campus on a saturday afternoon and asked people what their favorite flavor is i bet you would get a number of answers. My answer to that is that 99% of those people are wrong.

What is the best flavor if Gatorade?

ANSWER: Lemon-Lime

REASON: It tastes the best....It's that simple, no other flavor is good.

School Policy

In a recent interview with local public relations specialist Ms. Katherine, of Stratford, CT. She commented on the issue of having to take foreign languages as a "tyrannical act" and thought that the University officials "Have no right to force us to take classes in a subject matter in which we will never see a real life application" But when asked about such classes as Latin, the "dead language" and classes such as numbers in the real world, where i could have passed in the second grade, she laughed in her patented "dead sea lion mating call" and scurried back to her room, mumbling something about honey barbecue wings??

But sitting here doing nothing, memorizing verb tenses and random vocab words, i dont see any real point. Id rater be writing a critical review of the "Death of General Wolf" by my boy Benny West. Great minds of our generation, Ms. Cynthia Taylor would attest to the fact that the need for 4 semesters of a language. "yeaaa we dont need no language..UMPH!!"